It's been a weird week. A beloved local comic took her life. I had my first date in ages. I missed a few days of blog posts and felt bad about it. I put off uploading the first episode of Season Two and no one asked me what's up.
The biggest thing in my little world is probably that I'm trying my best to get over my ex. Shit was complicated. She was probably too self-involved to ever make me comfortable, but she's the best woman I've ever known. (sorry Mom)
Went to my first and second love addiction meetings and in the interim I had zero recovery. Planning dates, perusing the hot girls of Instagram and trying to angle at least one lady friend into something more exciting.
Last night I had my first date in God knows how long. It was great. Before that I had my first random parking lot makeout session in I don't know if ever. So on balance its been equal parts shameful, exhilarating and incredibly sad.
Speaking of sad things, how about suicide? Cuz that happened. A Seattle comic made the ultimate decision Sunday, ending her pain. That decision also broke the hearts of dozens of comics and everyone else whose lives she touched in her short time on Earth.
I didn't know her. Let me make that clear. The reason I've been around and talking is not because I want to pretend I'm a part of this story. I never got to see her. But you know what? I recognized in her comedy, her story and her impact on her colleagues and it blew me away.
In another community perhaps someone dying in this way wouldn't have had the same results. But the amount of love pouring out from the hearts of these hardened criminals has been amazing. So much love, you guys don't even know.
Comics make sense of life by skewering our preconceived notions and fucking with our sense of morality. They speak from the deepest places of pain and foolishness, and they make our lives better for it. Meredith was a star in the making, but more than that she was a human being, one of the best. And her friends have shown how amazing they are in this terrible time.
You may not have been hit directly by the pain of a sudden death. You may know nothing about suicide or why people make that decision, but you know loss. You know sadness. And you know grief. It sucks. No one should go through it. If this world was as great as we wish it was, no one would suffer, or go hungry. No wars would be fought, no minorities excluded. And women like Meredith would be our greatest seers. Love is the only answer to pain. So love yourselves. Love each other. And when someone you love is suddenly gone from this earth, let yourself grieve.
Comics show us that life has meaning. They tease out the situations that plague us, and bring something amazing out of it. Laughter heals. Laughter sustains. And laughter brings us all out of the darkness when we need it.
Someone wonderful has left this plane of existence, but I believe she is not gone. She lives on in the hearts of everyone who knew her. Suicide is a shitty thing, but it's a choice some of us make. Mental illness, existential sadness, PTSD and grief can take anyone at any time. Love the people around you. Don't be a dick. And when someone tells you they're hurting, be quick with the hugs. Let them cry on your shoulder.
That's what they're for.