Fuck Halloween. Don't care. I hate big
parties and I hate dressing up. The only
times Ive ever cared are when I was married and I thought my wife might be a little happier after enjoying her favorite holiday. Of course half the time she'd get too drunk and embarrass me, and the other half we'd fight about something and she'd shut down.
Now I'm single, and I have no interest in spending all night at some party or bar trying to have fun with a bunch of strangers.
Damn. Now I feel like an asshole. This blog was supposed to be mostly positive; an opportunity to let you all into the way I see the world. Instead I'm using this space to shit on your good time like some inveterate Facebooking jagoff.
Here's the thing: I dont have kids and I don't have a partner. Holidays without love just seem stupid to me. Chances are I'll be spending the night at my house finally uploading the episode I finished editing days ago. My parents will probably try to hang out with me, so at some point I'll likely go up to the shitty bar in my hometown and drink too much while eyeballing women I'll never even talk to, let alone make out with.
I really should erase this whole thing and start over. But I've been doing that for days and I just gotta get this out. A good comic killed herself this week, I'm gonna have to take my crazy cat back from the family that adopted him, I'm estranged from my brother which means I won't see his kids, and the woman I love is lost in the mists of mystery. I'm trying to give up chasing broke women and having no luck getting more comfortable in my own skin. And my show continues to sit there on my computer daring me to finish it.
Fuck Halloween. Fuck wishing I wasn't such a mess. Fuck your happiness and your happy family moments.
God, I'm being a dick. Get out there and have fun. Life is hard; enjoy yourself. Disregard my self-pity and get you some love.
Take care. And hopefully I'll have another of these uplifting rants up tomorrow.